I know u won’t be able to read this because u don’t have a tumblr account & so this only stays between me and my tumblr friends. :)
I know that we’ve been not so close since we were kids. We always fight back then and just sometimes in the present. I was a mean sister when you were little compared to today. We became quite close when you were few years younger than today. We shared the same genre of music, sports, TV shows esp. cartoons and anime, drawings, hobbies, life stories, little crush stories, stories about mom&dad, and some others. I have never imagined that I would value you this much. (So gay. lol) I may have never said anything that would make you feel special because I am not showy when it comes to family and everyone who knows me well definitely knows that, but you are not unnoticed. As you were growing, I feared that maybe you’ll set us aside for friends and stuffs you’ll be doing w/ others. Yes, I’m seeing you in that way now. You’re starting to have your mind set to different things and you’re now being quite unmanageable. Mom complains a lot about you. I don’t look affected but I am because I don’t want you to lose track and I don’t want us, sibs, to be headaches to our parents. I have experienced those some time in my life and I don’t want you to feel the regrets.
I stare at you a lot when you’re not looking. I try to read you, your mind. Sometimes, I feel that you feel left out because u’re the only boy in the family aside from dad. I don’t want you to feel that though I admit that I am annoyed by your all-grown-up-like-attitude. You keep butting in to convos and pretending you’re not but you are listening to girl and mature talks. Big deal, huh? I hate it when you answer me back in sarcasm or in a way in which I think is not respectful. I hate it when you don’t listen to others and that they would have to come to me to have you disciplined. I don’t know why, but I am thankful for this unique power over you. I just hope that I scare you because you love me and not for some other reasons. This has gone long now and I’ve shed tears in the middle of writing. I always feel guilty whenever I raise my voice on you. I don’t want to, but you give me reasons to do so. Sometimes, you ask me questions and I answer you in a speaking tone between moderate and shout. I hope that you just get used to me being this way instead of grudging against me one day.. THAT, I fear as well. I know that I have the most possible way on how to prevent that, but I can’t help it. I am not the sweet little girl in the family anymore. Toughness and Discipline are what I must show you. I am the eldest and I know that I will be in-charge of you, guys, in time. It’s hard for me, VERY.. I feel like having to sacrifice a lot for many. Having you makes me start to feel how mom&dad felt about me while I was growing. Anyway, I have to be thankful to God for whatever he gave me.
When I have my job and my own money.. I’ll pay off, I promise. I know that I will be less stressed in academical world, but more of the real world soon. The real world includes you and the whole family. This is weird to have my emotions about you expressed here, but I can’t think of any other way on how to share my hidden unconditional love. I will never be weary on praying for your greater understanding and for the good of the family. I would like u to know that I’ll be supporting you in whatever u do as long as it is positive ;) I am being so dramatic right now, but who cares?!
P.S. My unconditional love is not measurable by what I’ve written here. Proofs are inside my heart only God sees.
“There are no secrets left untold."
What happened was something different because I’m not fond of reading novels, which I admit. When I’ve first seen it on Facebook, I told myself that I will be waiting for the movie instead of buying the book and read. I did until one day, a friend just randomly passed a pdf file on my phone altogether with an application (Ebook Reader). She asked me to read it and I said “sure”, but inside my head was “you can’t count on me on that”.
One rainy evening, suffering from a super heavy traffic, I opened it like wut?! Is this me? Or just what boredom brings me? Anyway.. Upon reading the first page, I was starting to feel that she was me and I was her. It introduced Lara Jean Covey, the storyteller (whatever you call it), who has never admitted her crushes (same! except for one though), but instead wrote each guy a letter about how she felt, sealed it, and hid it in a box under her bed (I do that, but I don’t hide ‘em in a box). Worst is, they have all been mailed by her little sister when they quarreled once (found in the near ending).
The succeeding pages comes with the other characters too, of course. I, somehow, relate to the story: to Margot Covey’s great responsibility and sacrifices for their family; to Josh’s admiring care for the Song girls though fears that his place might be replaced (Margot’s ex); to Kitty’s love for puppies <3; to Chris’s hunger for exploration (not too much though) and being realistic, which somehow leads to negativity; to Kavinsky’s held feelings for Genevieve (LJ’s pretend-boyfriend); to Lara Jean’s NBSB label, the feeling of loving someone who doesn’t love you back, wanting to be noticed, hidden stuffs, being understanding about everything, the nega thoughts against a popular guy (who am I to be noticed) and a popular girl (crowd loves her, life of the party and everything, wow) and etc.
* I admired Dr. Covey’s patience and unique way of being in the girl’s nature for he has three daughters and each one has different personalities.
* Kavinsky had a more hold on me than Josh. I just hoped that there is someone like him in the real world, someone well-known who wouldn’t care about anything for an ordinary lady.
This book is awesome. I just can’t say everything here. Read and you might understand what I was saying, about to say, and haven’t said yet. After finishing the book, I was in a daydream for some days. And now, this, a review. Funny and weird, maybe. In case someone patiently read this, thank you very much. I hope I’ve encouraged and had you interested on this :) Ciao! <3
P.S. Struck by the surprise kisses between Peter-LJ and Josh-LJ. Had me smiling when I remember =”)
Currently listening to He Is We. I hate how their songs kinda bring the past and hurt back. LOL. Plus, I dared myself to open HIS profile and browse backwards. Well…. what help did it give me? Hahahaha!
Sorry naaaaa :(
being in love, the butterflies in my stomach, unstoppable smiles, looking for someone’s presence, wanting to talk to someone special, being with someone special, text messages from someone special, missed calls, long hour calls, midnight calls, night till dawn conversations, hugs, touches, sparks, laughs, being romantically inspired, calling names which both of you only knew, encouragements, noted calendar dates, memorable places, remembrances, sweet “goodnight”, wonderful hellos, greetings, stories, secrets, caring and being cared, loving and being loved, trusting and being trusted, being pursued, “I Miss You”s, non-irritating nags, short quarrels, fun, and a lot more.
P.S. Haven’t had a boyfriend since birth, but still happened to feel these things.
I’d still wait for that one guy who’d treat me the way he doesn’t treat the other ladies because he finds me very special. <3